I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
