his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
