Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He did a backflip because drugs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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