i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
