Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
