just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
