...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
there is glitter all over my balls
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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