Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
