i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
