Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
