currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
