There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
