I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize