I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I will be naked everywhere
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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