i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
