U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
