I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
