If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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