ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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