Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize