Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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