dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
