I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
