So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
