im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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