my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
