I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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