Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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