I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
