Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
