Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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