your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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