I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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