I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
