If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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