You just made me feel so damn special
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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