Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
