While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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