i may or may not be watching the land before time
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
false alarm. still invincible.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
