I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
