Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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