Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
