i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
