he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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