the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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