his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
do nipples grow back?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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