careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
