Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
