they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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