you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
