omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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