I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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