she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
