the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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