Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
