Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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