Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
