he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
not ubering you a puppy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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