So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
