If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
