Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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