You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
