my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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