I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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