its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i believe in u and ur pee
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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