it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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