worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
