Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
