What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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