Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
