I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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