he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.