You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap