Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?