the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.