Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.