that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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