who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.