She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
