when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
